How old were we? 5? Prolly, I couldn't tell you. Skyler, she had came up to me, beaming with pride over some art she made. It was of this dinosaur with wings burning groundman. And she was adamant it was a dinosaur with wings, it was not a dragon. Incredible, right? She was ridiculously creative all of the time, she was a brilliant and kind force. I never saw a man in her, nothing she did made me think she ever was. When her parents got mad at her over playing dolls with me, I was shocked. When we got older, I could see her shift into a cocoon of hoodies and sweaters and tears. I was the first person she told about that, yeah. I was obviously very supportive and proud, I didn't fully understand how much that meant. Until I heard her say... Yeah, no, she was incredible tho. She was out and proud, and it was the happiest and most creative person I've ever met. She made incredible art back then, some of the coolest stuff you'll ever see. I had to fight to keep some of it, she was so self conscious about her art, and perception. And she had to throw it out at home cause her parents would trash it. I still have all of it I got hanging up on my wall. Then it got really bad at her house. One day I saw her, straight back to a hoodie. The whole time I saw her before, never wore one. I knew something was up, I asked her, and she started crying really bad. I was terrified. I realized later that her parents shaved her head, and hurt her pretty bad after they found out she was struggling in school. Blamed all of it on trans stuff. I never knew how to really help with that. the day before, she seemed better. Brimming with so much life, I was so happy seeing her like this again. She made some beautiful art, and I got to keep it too. Yeah, she like, told me how all this stuff id done had not only made her who she was, but helped her survive. And she apologized for oversharing? Like no? That's so beautiful and nice, she's the best! "Was"... I held onto her really tight when it got late. "we're going to get through this together, ok?" I told her, my voice muffled through tears and a sweater. "I hope so" she said to me. Last thing she said. I noticed she hadn't come that day, to school. I called her, she didn't answer. I got pretty worried. She... Yeah, I saw... Ok, I got her house, I went up... And... *sigh* When I... I miss her so much

You've ever wondered how death feels? The burning of your skin, a hopeless gasp for air, hands in a motion of begging the sky to give it back. An attack on all angles and edges of your body as you can hardly stop the despair from winning... You've ever wondered how death feels? A soul of comfort and warmth surrounds you like a warm blanket, and pulls you tight, right from the hurt. The mortal coil of agony violently yet soothingly escapes you, like epilation, lessens its grip. The comforting field adorns you like a gown, surrounds your oblivion in a floral feeling of dopamine. But it isn't there anymore, but you can feel it. You've ever wondered how death feels? Like how pollen is in a constant state of falling, you peruse the places you used to cry in. But your tight grip on the situation has loosened, and now you view the situation as a spectator, less as a nuisance. The nuance burrows in your mind, it's hard to find a reason you're still here, everything that's near is in need of a savior, and you're never coming back. But then you notice something not there...

I'm on our swing set. First time since you died I could get on. It rained yesterday. Normally we'd be disappointed by that, maybe get a towel and wash it off. Today it's the only thing distracting me from crying my eyes out. I miss you dearly, still. I feel like I used all my time I could when you were here, but isn't that worse? I feel selfish for wanting more of you. You're gone, and yet I can still feel your push at the swings on my back as the wind. I feel your warm hug in a sudden heat wave as I closed my eyes. I could swear I can hear your voice in my ear. "Hey Jeannie, I missed you". I cried terribly after that. I could feel the warmth lessen it's grip. "I missed you too, Skyler". The warmth then grew stronger around me. I opened my eyes to find a billowing iridescent smoke, and my best friend's warm smile greeting me. Nothing could distract me from crying then.

I stared at her, her warm smile, beautiful pools of brown swirls that adorned her head and eyes. Her beautiful gown, her... Umm, her new features, I should say >////<. She was confused as to why I was so silent, but she... She's beautiful, what more can I say? I cried when I first saw her. After I wrote that, I still was. Cause then she wrote what I read, and said I was a beautiful talented writer. that somehow made me even more grateful she was here. And her most beautiful attribute was always there in spirit (I suppose if you look at it one way, it still is, but shut it >:{. ), her listening to be is beautiful. She makes me feel like a brilliant orator, and loved. And that makes her the more remarkable, the more missed. So right now, I don't know why she's here, how I can see her, what's gonna happen next, how long will this blessing be? And to be honest, I don't care. Not because those questions aren't valuable, I'll ask them soon enough, it's cause I want to live in the moment I have with her, you know? I know that's what every version of me in the future would tell me to do. "Cherish the beauty in the present moment"

After Jeannie finished crying, she was beaming in excitement for what we could do. It was so infectious and beautiful. So, I learned I could go through walls, I could touch her, but not anything else. I could talk, but no one but her could hear. I told her that I worried she'd look like a crazy person, that I could wait until later to talk. Jeanine is brilliant tho, she put on some headphones, and said "not when they think I'm on a call, they won't!". So, then we went to the local bookstore. We went through the art books not wrapped in plastic, and it was so beautiful seeing her this happy. Seeing her in general is a blessing, being real for second. At one point, she pointed at me, and said "you're the real masterpiece here!". I... That took the most willpower to not say it. "I love you", you know? I do, but it's too late to say anything. This is all I could ask for. She's all I could ask for.

I got Skyler to draw one last thing for me!! I had her pretend to draw, and I actually drew what she wrote. Obviously she made me write "gay", which is fair. Then she really got into it, and she wrote this beautiful piece about how much I mattered. Anything I'd say would be a tribute. I swore there were words left out, but I couldn't put my fingers on which. Then she drew this magnificent piece of art, and I have it shut in my cabinet door, and I will cherish it until the end of my days. I will admit I did see a few people look at me funny when I was half floating in air holding Skyler, but I didnt care. She had made something beautiful, nothing would stop me from congratulating her for it

"I didn't do it", Skyler said. She wasn't looking at me when she said that. I couldn't stop looking at her all day. I had this embarrassing moment where I called her a masterpiece, I couldn't help it, she was! When we got here, this spot beyond the car park of this shopping center, that felt like a cliff to our younger selves. She started staring at the sunset. I thought I understood why, but... "What do you mean", I replied back. "I didn't kill myself, if that's what you're wondering." She said, eyes still fixed on the sun. I was... Words failed me, no I failed words. "I knew my days were numbered," She said, "my parents...". She paused, took a breath I knew she didn't need, but wanted to need again, and said "When I got back home, they started beating me again, I barely even know why. They told me I was a worthless tranny and a faggot, and at some point, they hit something that stopped the pain." she started looking at me, after that. I know you can see the reflection of your face in someone else's eyes, but I didn't need that we were both crying, I held her the best I could. After a minute of holding her, she said "You know, when I thought i had regained consciousness, I saw my parents arguing who's fault it was I was dead, started trying to put a gun on my head to shoot me. I thought to myself, 'I wished I could've died next to Jeanine'.". Her look grew pained, and my tears had new meaning now. She started looking towards the moon, "i wonder if that's what's gonna happen tonight. The moon is beautiful, isn't it?". I pulled away from her, a mix of emotions swirling in my head. "Do you mean that? Really?" Are the words that came out of my mouth, I worried about her response. "Have my entire life," she said, "maybe this isn't the best moment, bu-". "CAN I KISS YOU?" I said, my shame enveloping me as I hid my face in front of a ghost. "I'd love to", she replied. I still don't think I know what a kiss feels like, but whatever we did that night, it was beautiful

It was getting very late, I wanted to go back home. I got up to walk, but I noticed Skyler wasn't following me. "Sky, why aren't you moving?" I said. I hate to admit I started shaking at the thought of her leaving again, so soon. "I think I did everything I had to." She said, as she began to float away. "No, no you haven't!" I yelled back. "You haven't heard my favorite song, or seen me graduate, go to college, or get a job, or anything! Maybe your goal is getting revenge, maybe you gotta stay longer for that." She kept floating. "Just don't leave me again, please!" I screamed to her. She stopped floating, dipped straight down. She reached for my hands, and gripped them tightly. "Jeanie, look at me" she told me, as if i wasn't doing it already. "I will see those things, I'll fight with everything I got to see you." I could see her start to float again. "But I don't care about what happens to my parents, I care about what happens to you." Her grip and mine could've broken tungsten. "I want you to use your life, don't stay here waiting for me. I love you Jeanine, I always will." Skyler let go of me, and I did the same. "Don't forget to write!" I said. Up in the clouds, i could hear her load laugh drifting away.

I barely remember the rest of that night, I fell asleep crying and dreaming of her. I spent the rest of that year writing and drawing that, and people took notice, and thought it was beautiful. They told me it was a wonderful and sweet expression of grief. That art piece she made, it's considered to be an incredible piece of art now, the story told differently every time. The years race by, the events still seem fresh, my art has different focuses, but always gravitates to her. I feel like I've used my life well, but I'm always waiting for the day I can see her again. I'm not afraid of death thanks to her. I will await her visit.